Monday, December 31, 2007

untitled #1

i heard somewhere that i can't remember that we are all tied together by invisible lines...

after some of the things i've seen in this life and these times, i'd have to say i believe that. sans details i'll also say, no matter how far i go i haven't shaken those wonderful people. those brilliant existentialists who would just as soon wipe their dusty shit kickers on me than help me up from my spill.

thank goodness for my mother. she's the only person who's kept it "real".

i've had friends turn to mortal enemies. they may not view themselves that dismally, but they are. the same way i was. just an expendable byproduct in their hearts and minds. i didn't know it, but that was my role. on some level...that's ok-

this is the ugly side of nature.

honestly, the encounters i had with them, directly or indirectly...after our "courtship" was over have been extremely illuminating. some of these people don't even know how close i still am to them. or hell, the other way around-

rock the bells? yup. same day, same place.
myspace? yup. the usual way. get the picture don't you?

i'm assuming that anyone who's had ANYONE they'd rather not see again can understand how this would present a problem.

back to the invisible lines.

maybe i got it from a movie...maybe i wish it wasn't so wonderfully fitting. all i can do is hope i'm not tied to these "people". these demons. i hope it's some kind of psychological thing, whereby i seek them out in some conscious/unconscious way and poof! there they are. my darling spectacles of human beings. here's hoping i'll snap out of this unreality and be truly free of them and their enduring memory.


there might not be anything more to say than that.


Monday, December 24, 2007

random thing...xmas edition

not really too into christmas.

i enjoy getting together with people but all the extra stuff that comes with, you can keep that.

christmas makes everything that's important to me stop cold. seeing as how i'm not religious and can see how that's an inconvenience.

bah humbug.


Monday, December 3, 2007

fuck has' day...advanced

here it is party people

i'll have this up for download tomorrow. as for right now, listen to it, enjoy it, comment...and check back with me tomorrow to get your copy-

Fuck Has Day


digital download: 12/4/07

one love,


Wednesday, November 21, 2007

fuck has' day...time served

i haven't written about this in a while.

being as though i was hyping my cd to insurmountable heights...i had to chill for a second. i didn't want ya'll thinking it was gon' be "cuban linx" and shit.

but there is a reason for me to shout-

my new project is done. it's going to be mastered this week i think, and i'll start posting it for you all to listen to very soon.

'08 is the year.

"fuck has' day" is the name.

the title (in case you were wondering) comes from a little running gag i had. it's a way of accounting for those trashy chunks of life where any/everything that can go wrong...does. i figured if things are this bad it MUST be fuck has' day.

that's the only explanation. i couldn't be this horrible a person to this many people. the annual fuck has' day festival must be on and poppin'. why do they call it annual anyway? seems like it goes on all year around...

anyway, the cd sounds incredible. the songs are on fire, the beats are smashing, the mix is crazy...i'm a fan, what can i say?

here's the track list:

1. prelude
2. calibration
3. f*ck has' day
4. the usual way
5. unsigned m.c.'s
6. hands
7. molotov cocktails
8. all's fair

some of you reading this have the 2005 album from my "8 years longer than it should have been" group, stranje dayz. it's called "the undisputed". i think if you look hard enough, you can find a bootleg of it on the information super-highway somewhere. if you don't have it, you aren't missing anything. i guess since rap music is so vomit-inducingly wretched now-a-days...the people who did get a hold of it really enjoyed it. as for me...not so much. maybe i'm a critic, maybe i just dislike my former partner THAT much-

but i guess it says something that i've never gotten a bad response behind that cd.

for now dwelling on "the undisputed", or my lack of truly solo material. i've got some now.

let's celebrate.

next f.h.d. post: a preview of the ep i've been talking about since july. stay tuned.


Sunday, November 18, 2007

random thing

i am currently reading the da vinci code.

yea it came out in 2003, so what? i'm just getting around to far its been instrumental in washing the taste of the movie out of my mouth.

what an atrocity.

shame on you, ron howard. shame.

after that...lords of chaos: the bloody rise of the satanic metal under-ground.

i get around.


Thursday, November 15, 2007

crank what??


soulja boy - crank dat.

what does it mean to "superman that hoe"? this question first came up in a conversation with my dudes odin smith & icon the mike king.

apparently an urban dictionary (whatever that means) defined it as: ejaculating on a girl's back, and then putting a blanket on her back so it sticks. thus when she stands up...she looks like she's wearing a cape.


that is stupid. i mean, i guess i can get behind it cause it is a little freaky but stupid.

soulja boy defends: "You can tell whoever wrote that was intending to stop my shine. The way they wrote was professionally typed. Ain’t nobody doing nothing like that."


wait...this is my favorite part: "The way they wrote was professionally typed."

aaaaanyway. he says it isn't sexual, and furthermore whoever is "intending to stop his shine" was too late. they're already on the the next soft shoe sambo shuffle...i mean single.

anyone up for ringtones?


Thursday, November 8, 2007

spotless mind

why am i thinking about you?

you shouldn't even exist to me anymore...but you do. one of the closest things to my mind. to my heart.

the worst thing to ever waltz into my life. the thing i can't forget no matter how i try.

aren't you powerful?

i try to write you out of my body but you savagely hold on. if i keep'll rip me inside out. you've been in me so long that i don't know how i'll feel without you. but sometimes...i think i'll feel like something is missing.

you abused me.

but on occasion, everything in me wants you back in my life-

i love you and hate you all at once. my orchid. i can only hope i torture you the same way.

a period of longing


letters from the edge...

"what a time you chose to be born..."

i won't say much about what's going on with me. it would take far too long. i will say things could be a hell of a lot better.

home is tragic. i am damaged.

i've been here too many times before...something has to give. i'm hoping a profound solution will make itself known.


waiting for the sky to open up-



Sunday, November 4, 2007

relationships 101

ok class

i never do these little quizzes but eh...what the hell? i'm more bored than a little bit.
this one's about relationships-

heeeeeeere we go...

1) Single, Taken, Naked, or Flirty?
single annnnd kinda flirty. and sometimes naked.
usually when i come to the front door. come to my house
and ring my doorbell...yea usually then.

2) Are you happy with that?
nah. not anymore. the single part, not the
flirty part.

3) Would you still kiss your ex?
umm i...don't know.

4) Have you ever had your heart broken?
haha, yes. incredibly.

5) Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is ok?
nah. none.'s a superstar. not a star in the hood, a super-star. like, if your girl said "i gotta tell you something baby, i slept with brad pitt" she can kinda get a pass. but she can't say much if you ever get a chance to bone kerry washington.

7) Have you ever talked about marriage with a person & honestly wanted to?
yes and yes.

8) Do you want kids?
yea. i just don't want to regret who i have them with.

9) How Many?
one or two maybe.

10.) Would you consider adoption?

11) If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
yes. as a certified honesty technician i try, when applicable, to be
up front. i think other people should try as well. i know you don't think
i'm supposed to figure it out? i, contrary to popular belief, am NOT
a psychic.

12) Do you like someone you know you cant have?
yea, i'm sure i can scrounge somebody up.

13) Have you ever fallen in love?
unfortunately i have.

14) Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries?
that's cool i guess.

15) Do you believe that you can change someone?
no. i believe you'll suffocate in your own heartache and
frustration if you try. better to let them be broken, and
move on if at all possible.

16) Is it a good day?
meh. it's alright.

17) Have you ever broken a heart?
uh...i doubt it, but i wish i had.

18) Does your ex still have feelings for you?
i doubt it. if she does, they're probably misappropriated
feelings of hate stemming from something i never did
to her. my old psychology text called this "projection".

19) Do you believe in long distance relationships?
not really. i think a bond between 2 people should
be strong enough to maintain if you had to endure some
distance for a while. we shouldn't end up like one of
those couples on the real world that, thru all their everlasting,
earth shattering love...can't survive 4 months
apart. weak.

there you have it folks. see you next time...


Tuesday, October 30, 2007

9/10ths of the law...

i had a random itch for knowledge.

this time the subject was body language. if i'm not mistaken, it's considered to be the language of attraction. haha, funny-

i read (and watched) a bunch of things about this, the most elusive of issues. it led me to a conclusion: this is a ridiculous language. furthermore, it can be too easily misconstrued. more often than not, it's mastered by manipulative assholes trying to con you out of your possessions, money, panties, etc.

you name it.

i'll let you in on a little quirk of mine. i can't STAND people. more frustrating than that, i can't do anything about the way they act.
if a man could be god...

i am so sick of reading body language to interpret microscopic things that can be said in mere words. i'm also sick of being perceived as some thing or another by smart-dumb motherfuckers that THINK they understand what i mean, what i'm like, and so on and so on and so the fuck on...

guess what, you fucking scientist? YOU DON'T HAVE A CLUE!!

what is so hard about verbal communication?

i'd be bill gates rich if i had a dollar for every time some twat told me i was "too nice". i'm supposed to be nice you...nitwit, it's called proper child rearing! if your mother wasn't soooo busy teaching you how to home in on douche bags because their "body language" tells you he's a mysterious sex god of some sort, you wouldn't have been a raging head-case by the time i met you.

thanks mom!

a buddy of mine told me once that i didn't have enough "i don't give a fuck" in me. he was right. but he didn't tell me it was so easy to come by. it's a little costly though, at least it was for me. all you have to get hurt by someone that you reeeeally like and/or love. it might take a couple tries, but once you get some, boy is it fun!

i have a little, but i'm in the market for more though. why? i'll tell you why.

because i'm sick and tired of the whole "does she like me? does she not? is she still interested? what did it mean when she said/did this? did it mean anything? should i kiss her? should i call her today? did i say the right thing there? is she seeing other people? is she being honest with me? is she..."

blah, blah and blah.

this is bullshit. it's bullshit because it's all relative. it's living based on perception not fact. body language through the eyes of a optimist or pessimist. an arrogant person, a guy/girl with low self esteem, a fucking spaniard, whatever. it's body "language" through the eyes of a flawed source. how can it be trusted so easily? know what? i've got an idea...and call me crazy but i think it might be interesting to at least try-

ladies: how ' stop deciding whether or not you wanna screw a 30 seconds? too crazy? i thought so.

fellas: how about...not letting that ONE bad experience with that hood rat/first love (but mostly hood rat) you had, destroy your perception of all females?

in fact, ladies, you try that one too-

the "language" is not easily mastered, but it is often misunderstood and misappropriated. perception can sometimes be your worst enemy. of course, YOU are the only master of your perception. get it? you're your own worst enemy? people.

how about i give you some food for thought? look into it if you feel SO inclined. ladies, do you know why most of the men who womanize do it?


here it is, although you're probably too busy fantasizing/fucking a womanizer to realize this: he womanizes because he has no self-esteem.

and i'm met with suspicious eyes and deafening silence...

never the less, a sign of superiority among men is women. the more you have, the more you must have going for you. thus if he (insert name of weak minded man you pine away for day and night that, surprise! doesn't want you) can "conquer" a lot of you, he'll always be able to mask the bigger issue that he's afraid to deal with, by focusing on the girl he's going to bang later.

aren't you glad your mom taught you (through her own relationship choices, smart-dumb ass) how to pick 'em?

say it with me: THANKS MOM!!

but hey, who am i? nothing more than your neighborhood nice guy, right?


Thursday, October 25, 2007

snake pit/friends change

you know...

it's amazing. the people you meet in life. you want to believe that they're all somehow different from one another.

and maybe some of them are...but maybe not. if you look behind their unimportant opinions, or their generosity...if you look past what they say and focus on HOW they say it, their body language and their behavior...people aren't that different.

some people are genuine, some people pretend to be. some try to buy you because the more they spend on you, the more you may overlook the red flags that warn you about the ugly things they'll do to you in the future.

so harmless in their intentions. they care about you soooo much...what I don't know is that "this" hurts THEM as much as it hurts me.


get over yourself you fucking weakling. your glorious connections are fake. your endless justifications are a defense mechanism built to mask your tawdry, meaningless fling. let you tell it, it's not just can't control what you feel. whine, whine, whine. what are you toddlers? you frauds need to grow a pair (ovaries or testes. pick one). let's make this crystal: you aren't heroes of the heart, your grand schemes always end ONE way. people like you are VULTURES. don't ever get yourself twisted and think that the way you operate is noble.

it isn't.

"friends change over money, change over women..."

a few years ago, i never had reason to question a person's motives. i now see that i should have been questioning everyone's motives at all times. not to be paranoid...just to be aware. it seems as though we're almost doomed. it's like there's no way to separate ourselves from the people that cause us strife, they seem to just reincarnate in the form of close "friends" elsewhere in life.

it's actually sad.

you go for years thinking you're tight with a person. as it would turn out, you never really knew them at all...

nice to meet you,


quiet storm...quiet screams

the song i never got to dedicate to you-


Wednesday, October 17, 2007

random thing


i'm pretty sure i've lost this bet-

it looks like darren won't be buying me dinner...


Sunday, October 14, 2007

12 to 6

in a strange twist, i found myself in refurbished warehouse last night.

even stranger was the literal way the place was put together. the "ware" part was on the bottom floor, but if you trot up your way up one flight of'd find yourself in a house...of sorts.

i was bombarded by rampant music. it was repetitive and driving, though some of it had it's charm. on the outside there were no apparent signs that anything was happening in this place at all.

it was desolate.

the frosty fall(?) air lent to the feeling of loneliness...a morgue of a city block, laying asleep in the stillness of nighttime. nothing ever happens here. this neighborhood only hears the juicy details of events happening on streets more important than this.

walking through the unlabeled door (just following the sounds in the air) one could mistake this for a college kid's frat house. maybe him and his roommates are having a little shindig. i walked through the narrow threshold...flashing lights for ultraviolet dreams. one fellow checks my i.d and takes my 10 dollar cover. a lady wraps a band around my wrist...then i walk into a scene that's old for my friends, but new to a poor kid who lived on an avenue not far from here-

i've seen a few things in the past couple of days.

while the place did pop for a brief stint in the early a.m. it was never packed. it was interesting though. here, the 2-step is a relic from another dance scene. at this bash the "basic" step looked like brazilian martial arts.

what characters!

i danced some. i talked more. i grew tired as the grinding thump of the bass drum meddled with my gray matter. i played a knight in shining armor to a damsel in petite frames...her glasses, ironically, don't seem to grant her any clarity-

if they did, she would see me waiting (perhaps in vain) for her to get her shit together and notice me. i hope she isn't so self-absorbed as to think i'll always be a phone call away...or perhaps hindsight will be 20/20 for her.

either way damsel, it was nice to hold you for a bit. sometimes a man can lose his recollection of what a tender moment feels like.

end of the night: cheek kisses for the ladies, firm handshakes for the guys. as i raised my index finger, i said "one" aloud and sauntered off into the fog without looking back. if it were my last moment, a person who valued such a thing...could spend his whole life chasing that kinda cool.

but what can i say?

some people live as if the camera's on. until i'm cancelled...


Thursday, October 4, 2007

sing 4 the moment...


i hate it when people underestimates your intelligence.

the power of perception leads folks to some ridiculous conclusions about you (the word 'you' being a figurative term that actually refers to me). i won't even get into it, save to say that a lot of us humans are far from the sharp shooters we think we are. people have a tendency to think they have someone pegged...without having any concrete evidence about any aspect of that person's life.

you idiots don't KNOW me.

for a lot of you reading, that statement doesn't register...if you're one of those people, i'm not talking to you.

as for the rest of you...

live n*ggas.


random thing

ok. i'm feeling creative again.


Thursday, September 27, 2007

a chair wit' 3 legs...

i'm not really about putting youtube videos on my blog.

but this one is from one of my favorite emcees, ghostface killah. pretty tony chops it up about the various aspects of sex...


thank you ghostface. you've helped us all understand the world a little better.


Wednesday, September 26, 2007

fuck has' day...scratch mechanics

it's finally taking shape!

today was such a good day...

nas remixes are a few hours from being done...that'll make 12 whip-smashers to feast on. bong. i also took a trip to odin smith labs tonight. my resident vinyl specialist, dj shamrock, was there on some other business. once that was taken care of, he laid down the scratches to my song "calibration".

it's got disciplinary problems...i can see that already.

"fuck has' day" is looking like it's really going to shape up. i meant to write another entry about it, but i finished vocals a few weeks ago now. next up is my early october session. i'm spending the weekend. finalizing the arrangements and adding sound effects, a little extra ad-libing, so and so forth. the boring stuff basically-

what does that mean for me?

preparation. in order to get everything done i'll need to do some of my sequencing in the mpc. ugh. i hate that shit. it looks like the extra song i spoke about in an earlier entry won't make it. i have one song currently on the cutting room floor. maybe i'll throw it on the cd for good measure. it's actually not a bad song at all. i originally planned to record a bunch of extra tracks in case i wanted to switch up at the end. needless to say that didn't happen but there is this loner of a's called "the usual way" and i'm rather partial to it, yes i am.

i've also got a dope collab' in the works. i'm hoping that will pan out sooner than later. either way it's only a matter of time-

"look who's shinin' again..."


Tuesday, September 25, 2007

random thing

i haven't been feeling very creative lately.

is it depression? or the utter lack of light in this dugeon i call my "lab"?

one never knows...

a good friend of mine recently found out something. he found out that the kind of girl he wants does in fact exist.

back on my end, i find myself less and less enchanted with the idea of a dream girl...a soul mate, you might say. in fact, the concept of a significant other is dull and idealized to me. and before someone jumps off the cliff with their poor understanding of english, i don't think that i can't get a girlfriend. i just don't want to jump through hoops for one. i'm not a circus seal-

allow me to draw you a comparison...

one time, years ago, i met a few members of the roots crew. at the time i was big into the roots' music. i had all their albums.

it didn't take long for all that to change...

they were absolute pricks and i never felt the same about them or their music. i sold off all of my roots cds...and to this day i can't get into them.

in laymen's for the poor english comp' people:

my analogy means that i'm so turned off by my experiences with "women", that i have no interest in a relationship or "love". things that could be simple and breezy are made into complex problems with no logical solutions.

when i was younger that was ok.

however, the girls i like now have breast, secondary sex characteristics, and they're of legal drinking age.

so...not really ok anymore.

and hey, while i'm on the subject i'll let you ladies in on a little secret: men DON'T like games.


i know! shocked, huh?!

yea, we hate 'em. which is a direct conflict of interest because you guys live by them. tsk tsk...what to do? how about...not playing them? they're meaningless because they aren't designed to accomplish anything. don't you think that's a little bazaar? a game with no point? no object...or reasoning? no set rules, structure or direction?

that doesn't sound like fun at all. but i guess if you can change the rules anytime you want...

regardless, i can't help but be happy for my friend. i hope things work better for him than they did for me. the beauty of a new relationship is so easily lost. the new person you meet doesn't know what you've been through before they came along. i find it odd that they usually don't have enough respect for another human being to take that into consideration, and not play with their emotions.

of course, if the world were filled with straight-shooters and honest folks there would be world peace, wouldn't there?

sadly a lie is more important than a life.

when deception and manipulation are the signs of the time, it's next to impossible at times to find even basic positive traits in a female. if you find them...actually i don't know what happens if you find them.


Monday, September 10, 2007

my first song...

i've been on a serious binge.

i've been remixing this nas album in between working on my cd. it's almost like doing 2 albums at once. one thing that means is beats galore.

even though i've been very happy with my latest batch i'm my own worst critic. when i'm in my basement (the current laboratory) all i can really get is a sense of how the finished product might sound.

until i finish whatever i'm working on, i don't take it to the studio. which means til i'm finished hooking up beats for the nas remixes, i can't be 100% sure that everything i try will work. i've never remixed a song before...i tinkered around from time to time. but it never panned out.

here's some insight-

if the acapella track doesn't match EXACTLY with the speed of the beat, the two will drift further and further apart. it'll sound uglier than my ex-girlfriend's insults. i would listen to known producer's remixes and wonder how the hell they got the vocals to stay on beat.

i had all kinds of theories about it. they turned out to be more complicated than the actual solution. there is a trick to i'm like a machine.

the question is: ok. when do we get to hear these remixes??

as for nas, not just yet. i have something else for you though. havoc of mobb deep has a solo record coming out. there's a contest going on...remix his song, win some shit. in a lot of ways this was my test. if this remix hadn't come out good i can't say i'd want to finish the nas thing.

this past weekend, i went to the studio to finish recording my cd. while i was there i took a little time to lay down this havoc remix. i hooked the beat up, then arranged it. odin stepped in and mixed it down.

and here it is-

i've got the original version up here too. if you aren't familiar with it, take a quick listen. the lyrics are kinda stupid but hey, it was fun to put my spin on a creation that was already set in stone...

Havoc - I'm the Boss (original)

and now my version: I'm The Boss (Has-Lo Remix)

i'm pretty proud of the first one. if you want to download it i think you just click on the song name.

of course i doubt i'll win the contest. they always pick the wackest people, then they wonder why it never goes anywhere. fuck corny rap. if you wanna super-man that hoe or some weird shit like that, you're in the wrong need to super-man your ass back to reality, hoe

let me know what you think party people.


Tuesday, August 28, 2007

fuck has' day...patience & principle

i have a tendency to hold in what i'm feeling until i explode in furious rage ("furious rage" might be a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the idea). determined not to do that, i decided to voice my frustrations to my friend/musical collaborator...

known only as "odin smith" in the underworld, me and him and are close...we stalk rappers and kill them.

and what more trust can you have than to count on the other not to turn states evidence on you for murdering emcees?

as it stands, i go to his den and record sharp vocals in a room possessed by the same dead rappers we've previously murdered. unfortunately (for me) his schedule is a slight bit hectic at times. that's where my problem came from. i can't afford to be pushed to the back of the pile. maybe others work faster but they don't make better music.

conceit or confidence? arrogance or arithmetic?

maybe a smidgen of everything, but when i enter the and odin leave having created fire without an ignition source. i think when i approached him about my frustrations, he got the wrong idea. i think he assumed i meant his personal life should take a back seat to my music... which isn't the case. it's everyone else around us. they want to make music as well, but if that means i have to shelf my music, i can't comply. i've compromised for others. i stood aside and let them create. i didn't interfere by cooking up 80 projects for odin to juggle. i waited.

however, i think compromise comes with it's limits-

i was told (by him) that he ranks projects based on priority. over time i've forfeited my spot as priority so that others could shine. i want my spot back. my spot as an elite member of that crew should not be in jeopardy because i don't have a vehicle. but it is. this is a huge byproduct of the comfort zone he's surrounded himself with...but a comfort zone shouldn't endanger good music. it's bad enough that i am without other options at the moment, but at the same time, i've come FAR out of my way for the sake of this team. i've bussed it plenty of times...even though i'm the only one that doesn't currently have a car.

i've gotten lost, i've wasted my whole evening in transit plenty of times, i've spent more in bus fare than it costs in gas to pick me up at the rinky-dink eckards after i sit on septa for an hour waiting for the last stop to come. and anyone who knows me knows...i really ain't got it. i've recorded far more for others than i have for myself. i have nothing to show for my time in that studio, but no one can say i've EVER laid a wack verse for anyone in the circle. shit, i've never laid a lackluster verse. i've laced everything i was ever invited to be on, torched EVERY rhyme assignment i was ever given...but the same can't be said for my comrades.

i DESERVE to be put on a pedestal just like everyone else was when their turn came up. it's MY turn. if i'm me on it-

frustrations aside, we set the date: a few weeks from now...just enough time to tweak a few lines that have been giving me trouble (actually just one line. the last line for a song called "all's fair", perfectionist maybe?).

also enough time to put a new song on the cd. i don't have a title yet but the beat is rather unfriendly if i must say so. real fly-

strange to think that i was so close to scrapping the whole cd if i wasn't able to live up to my vision for it.

or maybe not so strange.

according to odin, that's how artists are... yup.

lo custamato~

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

fuck has' day...friction

this is an unfinished entry-

someone i know once told of the hardest parts about trying to break into the music business is first completing something that can compete professionally.

i'm paraphrasing a bit, but the message is clear. in recording the music that will introduce you all to who i am as a musician, i've found a great deal of frustration. the term "patience is a virtue" was probably created by a person trying to record a damn record...

this is a still shot of that frustration:


it's coming up on 2 months since i last recorded ANYTHING for my cd.

since that time my songs have done nothing but collect dust. i suspect they will continue in that fashion.

i'm having trouble finding the words to sum up one of the songs i haven't recorded yet...i suppose that could be considered irony since...i don't see myself getting another crack at the vocal booth anytime soon.

i envisioned this project of mine almost a year ago, if not that. the whole thing has been a war of attrition. the constant changes, the debt inducing purchase of my mpc...the thing that gets me the most is the endless waiting.

anyone in my circle who does anything musically is a leap and a bound away from where i am. i can't think of a time when MY cd has been priority in my circle. this current undertaking was...for a few weeks. then i had a studio session, that i thought went well, and...nothing. nothing has happened since then. i get denied at every turn. there is always something more important than whatever "music" i want to record. so while all the others have continuously been cranking out material, i have been at a stand still. in my basement. waiting for a shot to bring these ideas in my head...out into the air.

to be fair, i was offered some potential time. but i declined it. it would only be 3 hours or so when you factor in all the bullshit that will occupy us throughout the day. recording would only be an afterthought. i know if i were to take that time, i wouldn't be allowed in the studio for ANOTHER 2 months. so i figure i might as well try and hold out for a better offer-

but that's the thing...i'm starting to feel like there won't be a better offer. i was on the back burner of that crew for a good 2 years. a lot of them would contend that a large portion of those 24 months saw me attending college full time, unable to record. i generally don't respond. it isn't worth trying to convince them how untrue that is.

still chipping away at the block...


Saturday, August 18, 2007

strange eyes...

the other night i was on a website.

i saw something straight out of a sci-fi flick.

there was an accompanying video...

suffice to say, my vision is fine...but i was blown away by what i was watching.

though i wouldn't call myself a tech-head, i am intrigued by advances like this. the possibilities are extreme. if this kind of procedure were to catch on it could mean a revolution in the medical field as we know it. potentially giving birth to cybernetic medicine...i mean outside of the realm of theories and wishful thinking.

something completely tangible.
something that we've only seen in movies happening in our lifetime-

this is prosthesis how it was meant to be experienced...

so like i was saying, i'm sitting there smiling like a kid with a new toy. looking up more information, looking forward to the future. they told us we'd be pushing flying cars by now, but the only consumer innovations are plasma screens and unmanned vacuums. so forgive me for being a little nerdy about the damned robo-eyes.

20 years from now lasik could be replaced by hi-def retinal implants.

when/if that happens...we should all hope we can purchase our iBALLS (tm: apple) in peace. without some band of gypsies dribbling on about the ethical implications of artificially upgrading our bodies...

playing god by "giving sight to the blind" so to speak.

see you around,


Saturday, August 11, 2007

run 4 the sun...

the chase is only as good as your brain fathoms the ending to be.

that has to be it. otherwise why bother?

i've been chasing girls like a damn looney tunes (wile e. coyote...hello?) character my whole life. i like a lot of different kinds of women. some of them are unattainable. i invest way too much in the idea of courting them. it's wasted energy.

i could be focusing that energy toward something that'll pay off. or someone that can reciprocate my feelings.

now, for the sake of discussion i'll say there are 2 possible outcomes of any chase. i don't mean that in a win/lose sense, where you get the girl (or guy if you're into that) or you don't.

a pursuit can be a taxing endeavor. for some of us, it affects the lives we lead beyond the cat and mouse games we play with each other. for some of us...the chase wears us to the metal. others thrive on the possibility of another conquest and the mere thought, even if it never pans out, is intoxicating.

the chase can either dull or sharpen "the blade".

off hand, i can think of 2 (or 3 depending on how honest i'm feeling that day) females that i'm pretty sure i can't have for some reason or another. yet the idea of roping them in is both exciting, and exhausting. if keeping the idea alive is the essence of optimism, then what's the lesson plan for failure?

this isn't a movie folks. it rarely works out like a fairy tale. the person you wind up with is usually not so elusive as to be unattainable. at least that's what it seems like to me...of course, i'm looking from the outside in. you see, every girl i've ever been involved with is a raging psycho. depending on how you look at that fact...a lot can be said about me, or about them.

but that's a story for another time-

here's another question: when (if at all) does the chase become obsolete? all things eventually perish, change and/or evolve in some way. yet, after all these thousands of years i still have to practically bash some chick's melon in and drag her into my cave to even have a shot at something resembling a relationship.

in other words, there's a lot of work involved.

fun fact: here is the most important thing you need to know about human interaction: people don't understand the concept of human interaction.

people, usually due to some idiosyncronous trigger (read: emotional baggage) manage to find these ignorant reasons as to why the two of you aren't compatible. then they rush into the arms of the worst possible choice of mate on all of the green earth. after that falls apart, they crawl back to safety of your practical and understanding embrace...and tell you how they thought this one was gonna be special-

"we met and we couldn't keep our hands off each other!". the only thing she couldn't keep from you was how great a friend AND NOTHING MORE you are! she goes on to tell you how she can't believe she slept with him that can't figure out why she felt you needed to know that. she tells you things like: "i don't usually swallow unless i love the guy, there was just something about him"

ok everybody meet mr. me too

not only is the chase outdated, it's been mutilated with time and idiocy. a relic from a phase of human life we should have outgrown by now. fashioned into some strange instrument of torture aimed at guys/girls considered to be undesirable by the shiny happy people.

give me a shiny happy break.

i heard a rumor that older women don't concern themselves with those childish games.

i don't believe it. but i suppose if people can believe that ice creams, and rhinestone skulls are chic, i guess i can try to believe that some women don't indulge in meaningless mind fucks.

that or i need to start learning how to like rhinestone skulls...



Thursday, August 9, 2007

'97 mentality

i haven't had much to say this past week...

couldn't tell you why, i just haven't. perhaps too many uncomfortable thoughts that i'd rather not share.

but all that changed the other night when i was doing my daily hip hop once over. i checked all my little hot spots for new songs and rap related dish. what can i say? it's not an image, i live it.

in all honesty, my short term memory isn't the well-oiled machine it should be, but my long term picks up the slack and keeps me balanced...for the most part.

for some reason, on this night i get this colossal flash back and i go on the hunt...i'm searching for one song:


'97 in grades were too screwed up to walk in my graduation. i had to attend summer school.

i played this song everyday.

my 6 weeks in purgatory at central high school were probably more fun than a kid should have when his diploma is on the line. the weather was stunning, as was my crush at the time: jennifer. what a beauty...i wonder what happened to her from time to time.

her backyard spoke with thunder-

in a simpler time when folks still used beepers, i had her number. and when i passed easy pickins...i was only looking in the window to see if she was working. i had math class on one day and a social studies class of some sort on the other day. math was exactly what it sounds like: lame.

it was the other class that made us feel less like losers and more like an exclusive club.

there was never a shortage of laughs. and the teacher wasn't half bad himself. if i had him i probably wouldn't have failed the class in the first place.

after class i'd bounce back to my block. i still lived on erie ave. back and my friend khalik lived around the corner from each other at the time. i think he may have been courting the deaf girl across the street from his place, and the only things of any real concern are trivial after years of toiling in a twisted metropolis.

you never believe that it's all so simple...until it isn't anymore-

i guess the reason i look back with such fondness is because it quite literally is the final chapter in that part of my life. i can look back and pin-point it with clarity. 6 weeks and one chance to cinch up 4 years...

the sun was brighter then...

when the last day of the summer session came, i went into the crowded halls of the school. everyone was in a mad rush to get their grades and end it all. i walked up to my math teacher, he handed me an envelope. i knew i hadn't done well enough in his class to get a passing grade. i opened the envelope and to my surprise he let me squeak meant that i had my diploma...high school was at an end.

i never had to go back.

i looked out into the sea of students, trying to find my teacher. to connect with his face. peeking above the crowd i don't know if he saw me for sure, but i think he did...and if he did then he knows that my backward glance was a silent thank you.

to the shining city blocks, and those watermelon lollipops from a teenage crush...

may we all find those bright days again, and chase away this corruption and darkness.


Thursday, August 2, 2007

randall's isle recap...

so came to a realization.

i don't like concerts that much. i don't like standing...i'm kinda tired of crowd participation. i hate waiting on the rappers to take the stage. the live experience is pretty much lost on me unless i can touch the stage.

big rap acts that require that whole blockade, 20 foot crowd separation thing, turn me all the way off...

too impersonal.

i'm paying to see this d-bag perform his songs live, right? the least he can do is give me a pound. show some gratitude for the supporting his family thing.

so, a friend of mine passes me a ticket to the rock the bells concert. it sounds great on paper. in reality it' acquired taste. if your a hip hopper then you already know. almost anyone you'd want to see was performing on randall's island, nyc.

pharaohe monch

mos & kweli


public enemy

cypress hill

wu-tang clan

and a few others-

but. and there is always a see them you had to contend with insane summer heat, possible dehydration, sky high water prices (and forget about the price of beer), a strange assortment of stipulations (no blankets, chairs, outside food, no bottles or no outside drinks, no umbrellas, etc.), and a ravenous crowd swaying and shifting out of balance as we all jockey for position closer to the stage...actually, closer to the partition in front of the stage.

once you manage to scrape your way up front, you stay there. if you move you're never going to get that close again. knowing that, you spend the whole time flexing your muscle on a bunch of moshing punks.

and damn if that one sweaty kid with no shirt on won't stop jumping on you. asshole.

all in a days work for a hip hop fanatic. now it's back to the x-80 shuttle that cost me a special concert going rate of 5 bucks.

what a deal!

especially gratifying after i tricked 7 bucks on this unlimited metrocard that they told me i couldn't use. back down the steps to stand in line with throngs of concert goers crowding the station at 125th. and don't take too long on that metrocard machine, you might get cussed out by one of these over zealous fans-

after 12 hours standing...all that was left to do was eat, wash, and sleep. it took me 2 days to recuperate, but i lived to tell about it.

and my hearing is still intact after being assaulted by two 60 speaker walls. thank you ear plugs...

it was all good for the most part, but i don't think i can physically handle that kind of grind again. shit was like a job, son. you gotta be in shape when a show gets that real...

i'm out man...i retire. i'm way too skinny for this. seeing my favorites is something to remember but somehow i think the dvd will be better.

all rocked out


Tuesday, July 24, 2007

random thing

i just responded to an aim mail from oct. 2006

i...just never checked my inbox.


Monday, July 23, 2007

fuck has' day...intro

so i'm working on a new cd.

it's called "Fuck Has Day", and no, that's not "has" as in "who Has to use the lavatory?". it's more like "Has-Lo", the rapper/producer (that's me, Has-Lo. with a low A).

this the first time i've done a solo cd.

for the first time i'll be handling all the grunt work associated with making music...writing, producing, and arranging. for the first time in my life i'm making the kind of music I want to make. i don't have to take shorts when it comes to quality because my "team" is weak.

i've been making music a long time...with no reward or recognition. this isn't one of those hard luck, last ditch efforts. i'll keep making music and talking my shit, but it's time for a new approach (i don't mean selling out)-

no features.

all the production is done by me this time new mpc is blue like gun metal. and i'm itching to blow a hole in your speaker.

anyway, i've got one more studio session. then mix down. then we need (read: i need) to find a way to get it into your hands...we've got some work to do.

i'm feeling a little pissy today..."Fuck Has' Day" coming soon.


ok computer...

you know what?

i hate computers...and the internet. yep. hate 'em.
for all the convenience they allow us, the beautiful people at all the leading companies, dealing in all manner of computer technology (web providers, hardware developers, etc.) can't seem to cook up a product that doesn't magically malfunction for little to no apparent reason-

if i buy an xbox 360, and the fucker doesn't play the games i just spent 60 bucks on...i say "oh- ho! the disc drive...isn't working."

i don't have to run all kinds of various checks and scans only to have the computer to tell me, after an hour or more, that nothing's wrong. do these things have some sort of strange artificial intelligence?

some self preservational sub-programming that helps it figure random ways around software slavery and death via obsolescence...

fuck if i know.

i just want to log onto my verizon account...


Friday, July 20, 2007

the usual way...

for those who don't know...

i used to blog on myspace. i wrote some good stuff on that site-
and i'm not hating on the house that tom built, but i can't do it anymore.

something that was once therapeutic became stressful

i felt shackled.

you can blog on myspace, you can post all your most intimate musings, but eventually you realize. no matter what incredible break-throughs in thought you will never grow.

or at least that's my opinion.

i'll clarify if you'll lend me another second of your time. myspace is a breeding ground for drama whores. if you write something with even a twinge of substance to it (gasp, substance?!), you will be scrutinized and torn apart by the brainwashed denizens of a lost social culture-

oh thought police, how you torture me with your conditioning

theatrics aside...after a while i reached my peak, there's not much i can say on myspace at this point that can be appreciated. so...i stopped writing.

i stopped, and people stopped listening. and while there are other reasons, we'll just keep it basic and save them for another post

but hey, i love the attention.

i loved having people read my thoughts and ponderings. i guess it was only a matter of time before i found a new home. a matter of time before i got the urge to call in and lend another voice to the choir-

my name is Lo Custamato...

and like usual, i'm back~