fuck has' day...patience & principle

i have a tendency to hold in what i'm feeling until i explode in furious rage ("furious rage" might be a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the idea). determined not to do that, i decided to voice my frustrations to my friend/musical collaborator...



known only as "odin smith" in the underworld, me and him and are close...we stalk rappers and kill them.


and what more trust can you have than to count on the other not to turn states evidence on you for murdering emcees?


as it stands, i go to his den and record sharp vocals in a room possessed by the same dead rappers we've previously murdered. unfortunately (for me) his schedule is a slight bit hectic at times. that's where my problem came from. i can't afford to be pushed to the back of the pile. maybe others work faster but they don't make better music.



conceit or confidence? arrogance or arithmetic?





maybe a smidgen of everything, but when i enter the studio...me and odin leave having created fire without an ignition source. i think when i approached him about my frustrations, he got the wrong idea. i think he assumed i meant his personal life should take a back seat to my music... which isn't the case. it's everyone else around us. they want to make music as well, but if that means i have to shelf my music, i can't comply. i've compromised for others. i stood aside and let them create. i didn't interfere by cooking up 80 projects for odin to juggle. i waited.



however, i think compromise comes with it's limits-



i was told (by him) that he ranks projects based on priority. over time i've forfeited my spot as priority so that others could shine. i want my spot back. my spot as an elite member of that crew should not be in jeopardy because i don't have a vehicle. but it is. this is a huge byproduct of the comfort zone he's surrounded himself with...but a comfort zone shouldn't endanger good music. it's bad enough that i am without other options at the moment, but at the same time, i've come FAR out of my way for the sake of this team. i've bussed it plenty of times...even though i'm the only one that doesn't currently have a car.

i've gotten lost, i've wasted my whole evening in transit plenty of times, i've spent more in bus fare than it costs in gas to pick me up at the rinky-dink eckards after i sit on septa for an hour waiting for the last stop to come. and anyone who knows me knows...i really ain't got it. i've recorded far more for others than i have for myself. i have nothing to show for my time in that studio, but no one can say i've EVER laid a wack verse for anyone in the circle. shit, i've never laid a lackluster verse. i've laced everything i was ever invited to be on, torched EVERY rhyme assignment i was ever given...but the same can't be said for my comrades.

i DESERVE to be put on a pedestal just like everyone else was when their turn came up. it's MY turn. if i'm wrong...call me on it-



frustrations aside, we set the date: a few weeks from now...just enough time to tweak a few lines that have been giving me trouble (actually just one line. the last line for a song called "all's fair", perfectionist maybe?).



also enough time to put a new song on the cd. i don't have a title yet but the beat is rather unfriendly if i must say so. real fly-







strange to think that i was so close to scrapping the whole cd if i wasn't able to live up to my vision for it.



or maybe not so strange.





according to odin, that's how artists are... yup.









lo custamato~