this post is something i had forgotten about. unearthed again by my friend Tone, who needed it more than me.
now...i share it with you:
Saturday, May 24, 2008 Lets break it down...
Current mood: depressed
i took some time off from the game. upon my return it became apparent...i am damaged goods. while i have taken some meetings, i haven't signed a new contract. some of my injuries may heal with time, others...not so much. i grapple daily with the after effects of it all.
for some reason change is constant and drastic in my life. be it friends, lovers, jobs or otherwise...the climate surrounding my days is by and large unpleasant as well as baffling. at least that's how it seems-
i graduated high school but i didn't walk:
yea. i found out AT the graduation ceremony that i wasn't allowed to walk. i got the news from one of my teachers. he was actually one of the root causes of my not walking. it sent me into a fit of anger, seeing as how i was called down to graduation practice everyday leading up to this dog-walk. after i stormed off i remembered, i needed to go and get my father, who was in the bleachers on the far side of the football field. it would likely have been one of the few proud moments he had of me in his fractured memory...ah well. that evening, me and him split a half-pint of jack in his pick-up...and so went my adolescence-
i have in recent time developed some issues with trust:
more often than not...i simply don't believe you. i'm fully aware of the impracticality of it, i also realize that it's not the paramount way to view people...but when action fails to gel with words you get mistrust. when you breed said mistrust with a healthy dose of betrayal you get me. let's review...
on the indy 500:
there seem to be some people in life that like it or not, you can't get rid of. i don't mean in the same way as say...an annoying suitor or a bad influence. i mean the kind of person that is bad for you, and vice versa...and yet, every time they come knocking you'll open the door for them. you'll listen to their sales pitch even if you don't buy it, and in the end you'll be a sucker for it...but damn if you don't enjoy that ride on some twisted level that only you and that person understand-
maury povich is fucking up black people's reputation. network tv is leaning solidly toward modern day minstrel proportions. that show reinforces possibly every black stereotype that exists. it's like the spear chucker review every morning and afternoon. there are times when it seems like i'm tuning in just to see if it can get any worse than it already is...it can-
i know, i know. it's random. that's how life is for some of us...a jumble of disjointed, seemingly unrelated events. but you never know, underneath it all there may be some tie that binds it all together.
maybe i was up early, catching a little tv (maury). contemplating the rocky road i call my life (changes). perhaps even lamenting a time long gone (i graduated but...), people and things i've lost (on the indy 500), and the scars that come with the spills i've taken (on trust). at first i may be sad, but soon i realize...that as long as i'm still standing i can always find my way back to a fresh start (i became a free agent again).
work the angles