psycho so(ul)cial pt.1

i haven't posted in a while.



this is of course, a special occasion. i have an interesting mutant power. i have the ability to gravitationally pull all manner of socio & psychopaths into my life.

i have in the past harped about my desires for inner peace. at times i just want freedom from the turmoil. but it seems i may as well embrace what i do have (a psycho-magnet) and figure out a way to make it a useful commodity.


i manage in my day to day to have all sorts of great exchanges. they run the gamut from joyous to...jesus christ, how did i get here? my latest though...wow. simply inspirational. what i'm about to show you is an aim conversation that took a turn for the worst. sans the boring bits it was enlightening to say the least. i've known a few self centered folk in my time, but never one who's utter existence was completely fictional. i'm feeling safe in saying that nothing she thinks and feels is rooted in the reality that the rest of us live in. in fact i think she's well aware of that as she spent an absorbent amount of time telling me how she wasn't "normal". she spent even more time trying to freak me out with these shock tales about astral projection, demons, lucid dream states, and a keen ability to physically see a person's "aura".

now i'm not saying these things aren't possible, but i am saying that she wasn't capable of them. in fact, she had so little knowledge on these things that when pressed for ANY info beyond her saying "hey, i can do THIS"...she either "defended" herself via circular reasoning or she told me it was just TOO much to explain.

it was soon very clear...she was just a boring person trying to seem important.

of course, if you let her tell it, she's just too deep for all of us. always the victim of some grand scheme to destroy her. always the victim of some malicious plot by someone who she slighted with her obvious superiority. always on the flaming end of someones anger (usually a guy) that she'd embarrassed by just "being herself" because we...just can't HANDLE who she is, man.

ALWAYS the victim. give me a tit-fucking break. i've never known a person who was so often at the heart of a conspiracy (read: crazy). please for the love of god and yourself...GET HELP IMMEDIATELY!


*sigh*

fool me once they say...



now here i'm telling her i'd had a dream about her the previous night. she's trying to convince me that through a lucid dream state she's astrally projected herself into my dream. you'll notice that she tries to reassure me that i am NOT freaking out, this is real...even though i wasn't freaking out:

me (12:04:29 AM): a snuggling dream

her (12:04:41 AM): wow.

me (12:04:50 AM): wow?

her (12:05:12 AM): sounds like u had fun in the dream.

me (12:05:30 AM): i mean it was just a warm dream

me (12:06:30 AM): it wasnt about nothin tho

her (12:09:48 AM): mmmmaybe i astrally projected to you this morning

her (12:09:57 AM): because i couldn't sleep til about 7:45 this morning.

her (12:10:21 AM): i didn't wake up til almost 6 pm...i was in a lucid dream state.

her (12:10:48 AM): it's weird..because what you just told me i felt in my dream, you just verified it for me. that it wasn't just an innocent dream. it was real.

me (12:11:01 AM): niice

her (12:11:04 AM): you aren't crazy.

me (12:11:15 AM): but what do u mean? i verified it for u?

her (12:11:17 AM): if it was a dream, you would've went tazmanian devil on me.

her (12:11:25 AM): you verified the lucid dream i had today

her (12:11:30 AM): i had the same experience.

her (12:11:32 AM): i felt it.

her (12:11:43 AM): no wonder i was moving around as if someone was touching me.

me (12:11:48 AM): this is cool..tell me about urs

her (12:11:56 AM): it's the same fucking dream

her (12:12:02 AM): it would be redundant.

me (12:12:28 AM): ohh boy. i've never experienced this before. im excited

her (12:12:53 AM): yes my friend, i'm sorry to burst your bubble. but i'm not normal like what you would consider normal in most females.

me (12:13:01 AM): it maybe redundant for u but not for me

her (12:13:17 AM): i do astrally project, i do lucid dream,why do you think i keep my shit on private.. i'm very selective on who i let into my inner circle.

her (12:13:36 AM): this ain't no joke.

me (12:13:56 AM): and i dont mean to burst urs but u know my steez. it doesnt freak me out

i'd like to think that i'm a pretty open minded guy, so i go along with this little charade of hers. we continue talking about the dream a bit more and then the conversation takes an abrupt turn...

me (12:31:11 AM): so yea tho

me (12:31:15 AM): that was nice

her (12:33:20 AM):

her (12:33:34 AM): yeah it was nice, because it was real.

me (12:40:43 AM): it was so short tho

her (12:41:42 AM): trust, it wasn't .. i was asleep for a very long time

her (12:43:12 AM): in dreams time stands still, and it seems short but in reality, just like life.. life can appear short or long depending on what you make of it.

her (12:43:56 AM): if i were you i'd take a moment and reflect your feelings and thoughts through your music...

her (12:44:06 AM): if you already haven't done so.

her (12:45:15 AM): i mean, you inspire me lyrically...i'm hoping i do the same for you.

me (12:46:12 AM): that an odd follow up

me (12:46:31 AM): hopping onto a new topic there?

her (12:47:04 AM): i'm not trying to change the subject.

her (12:47:25 AM): they are one in the same.

her (12:47:43 AM): music is your life right? ... well, it's mine as well.

her (12:48:34 AM): how many females that have come into your life...have musically been connected with you like this before?

her (12:49:31 AM): only i have the capacity to understand a man and an artist. and i respect the two equally. and would never keep a man from his art. or make him choose between the two

me (12:50:23 AM): yea

me (12:50:45 AM): i've thought about a lot as the time passes

her (12:50:51 AM): i'd like to see you find someone like me in your lifetime, i doubt you ever will. i'll call you out on that too.

me (12:50:52 AM): my music i mean

me (12:52:04 AM): my music (especially in my solo work) is a reflection of my reflections...whats making me tick at the moment i guess

her (12:52:43 AM): so what happens when your reflections cease to exist anymore... what then

her (12:53:09 AM): does everything have to be negative all the time.

her (12:53:14 AM): like f*ck has day, everyday?

her (12:53:24 AM): ...why can't there be an equal balance of good and bad

her (12:53:28 AM): because life isn't always bad

her (12:53:51 AM): and when it hands you lemons, i think you should make lemonade.

her (12:53:55 AM): and make the best of what you've got for the time being.

her (12:54:28 AM): because nothing really lasts forever. but for the brief moment that something is joyous...you should celebrate life and express yourself musically.

her (12:55:14 AM): and if you need help, go put on Nas' .."The Lost Tapes," and nothing lasts forever, everything eventually comes to an end.

me (12:55:52 AM): its not fuck has day everyday

her (12:56:02 AM): ...it shouldn't have to be.

me (12:56:44 AM): fuck has day is a title of a cd i put together. the 'fuck has day, everyday' is a slogan, like 'where's the beef'. it sounds good and makes sense with the cd

me (12:56:53 AM): as a catch phrase

her (12:57:08 AM): i'm not talkin bout the title

her (12:57:11 AM): i'm talkin bout the whole album

her (12:57:20 AM): everything is so dark and sad

her (12:57:48 AM): it seems like you're whole life has been, hey everyone..let's f*ck has day, until the end of time.

her (12:58:16 AM): and piss and shit on his grave while dancing the macarena and having a huge orgy with all your ex's at your funeral.

her (12:58:26 AM): do you forget i actually listen to the things you say on your lyrics

me (12:58:47 AM): and if it has been that way then should i just pretend to be happy?

me (12:58:56 AM): i dont think so

her (12:59:15 AM): i'm sure you've had at least one happy moment in your life.

me (12:59:26 AM): and?

her (12:59:51 AM): ....uhh nevermind, you're running in circles.. i'm gettin a headache now and a lil dizzy at that



umm...i think it's obvious at this point that i'm missing some important piece to this puzzle. i've never talked someone into circles without using words. that takes skills i'm not sure i possess. of course, this person also believed i was a telepath so...

here's where it comes to a head. this is where she tells me for the umpteenth time in our brief "friendship" that she's not normal (clearly.) and also where i find out that on top of the mind games i've been playing in that whole stretch of time where i barely said anything, that i'm also manipulative, as well as selfish.

not to mention an asshole.

she also had a problem with one of my good female friends. she mentioned her on numerous other occasions as well. i guess it was beyond the realm of possibility for a man to have a platonic female friend...or maybe she took some other "issue" with my friend. you just can't be too sure when it comes to mentally unstable types. you never know what's knocking around in that chemically imbalanced sun spot she calls a brain. i don't wanna spoil it for you though, enjoy-

me (1:00:00 AM): IM running in circles

me (1:00:06 AM): i havent even said anything yet

her (1:00:49 AM): exactly, there is no point. just an end to a question and unanswered ideas

me (1:01:14 AM): i didnt make u take the content of fuck has day and turn it into a completely negative piece of work. its not. there are painful moments on there yes, but there are also fun moments, light moments, all kinds of moments

her (1:01:33 AM): i feel like you're playing chess with me, and trying to play instead of being honest like you were earlier

me (1:01:52 AM): ur being sooo weird right now

me (1:02:12 AM): ive hardly said anything to make u think i was trying to play some mind game

her (1:02:29 AM): then why are you still talking to me if i'm so weird.. why don't you go talk to your best friend instead of me,at least she's not weird.

me (1:02:41 AM): what??

her (1:02:44 AM): talk to ur normal friends, cuz i'm not normal. and i'm never going to be. and i'm proud of it.

me (1:02:53 AM): what is on ur mind right now?

me (1:02:58 AM): how bout we start there

me (1:04:08 AM): cuz it aint me playin some mind games. you've been typin away faster than i can respond so it aint that. and dont worry about my best friend. you've never met her and she's none of your concern. nothing we've been chatting about has involved her tonite.

her (1:04:24 AM): lookover the transcripts, i dont feel like re-emphasizing everything i've said in the last hour or so.

me (1:04:32 AM): u know what?

me (1:04:43 AM): fuck it. ur playing the mind games

me (1:04:45 AM): peace

her (1:05:05 AM): wow.
her (1:05:20 AM): you're a piece of work.

her (1:05:44 AM): if i was playing mindgames i would never hesitate, unlike you to say the things i feel. but if you find it offensive, i'm sorry. truth hurts.

me (1:05:49 AM): i am? read the transcripts

her (1:06:14 AM): you said in your song, the only way to see what your friends think is to get into an argument with them.

me (1:06:31 AM): goodbye ****. ur being weird i dont know what ur problem is with me, but its not my job to fix ur skewed perception of me

me (1:06:38 AM): i am whatever u say i am

me (1:06:50 AM): u obviously know me better than i do right?

me (1:07:46 AM): oh ok here it comes huh?

me (1:08:18 AM): tell me something i dont wanna 'face up to' in my blind eyed life

her(1:09:23 AM): I'VE NEVER SAID ANYTHING TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS. AND RIGHT NOW, YOU'RE BEING A COMPLETE SELFISH, MANIPULATIVE ASSHOLE. I HOPE YOU HAD FUN TELLING ME OFF. YOU WIN. YOU LIKE HEARING THAT DON'T YOU. DON'T WORRY, I WON'T EVER BUG YOU AGAIN.



uh. huh. here's where i won(?). there are so many things wrong with this conversation that i really don't know where to begin. i'm pretty sure she's going to attack me with that army of angels after this. maybe i'll attack her with an army of therapists. we'll have good times.

the great thing about stand up citizens like this is that they can't/won't show you anything beyond the tall tales they've conjured up. AGAIN, i'm not saying there aren't things we don't understand in our world. i'm not saying that the paranormal is a farce, i'm just saying...believe half of what you hear. if you know someone like this, challenge them. if they can't tell you ANYTHING...if they can't enlighten you in ANY way, if all they can tell you is "i don't feel like explaining a whole book, it would take too long"...if every time you try to touch on what they tell you, they evade you and talk you into some lame circular reasoning...they are LYING. if something that prolific is happening to them and they can't articulate any part of it for you, they're taking you for a ride.

it's up to you how far you travel with them.

son, if you're reading this...this clown ass broad isn't powerful, don't believe the hype. she's just a good story teller. early!

and if YOU'RE reading this, you fucking crumb. get your head checked. those pin points of light aren't spiritual, they're brain trauma...victim.



i seriously hope you find yourself some help. oh, and since you're going to call me an asshole no matter what anyway, may as well live up to it...


i wanna send a special shout out to all my ex's. hey boo(s)!

i can try to get you guys together. you can meet up and practice the dance steps you'll be doing on my grave. they're wonderful girls, you'll fit right in. don't worry your pretty head of hair about it, k?





823,



custamato~